I have been meaning to write this post for ages. Caelan is now over 4 months and I find myself being asked “What is it like with the two?” . So I wanted write down how we are coping and how the transition was for Brendan and us too. The ups and downs of our every day life and the juggling between the two. And because I love lists rather than essays here are my 7 things we do / how we are / what we are careful about.
#1 Personality. I do believe that no matter how careful I was going to be before Caelan arrived a lot was depend on Brendan’s personality to adopt to this new set up. He is generally a gentle and a little shy boy. He is usually the one who gets pushed before he pushes back (if he ever). For example, I am not scared of leaving them alone since day one when I pop to the loo / or get their clothes from upstairs. I know he will be either, doesn’t care that he is left alone (as I don’t emphasis that I am nipping out) or is gentle with Caelan as he has been so far. (I am sure that will change soon… boys will be boys and all that)
#2 Preparation. I have written about this before here, so I think that post does cover all aspect of how we were preparing for Caelan. This preparation wasn’t regimented and I always made sure it is joyful rather than scary or overwhelming for Brendan.
#3 Avoiding possible jealousy. When Caelan is unhappy / needs feeding / change or just a cuddle at the same time as Brendan I am being very careful how I word to Brendan that I need to do something for his little brother. What I mean is, instead of telling Brendan that he has to wait because Caelan needs changing / feeding etc. I usually say stuff like “I am with you in a sec but I need to do something first. I am keeping it wage and general. Somehow I feel I don’t want him to feel left behind because of his bother. As much as I love sniffing / kissing / cooing / tickling Caelan I try to do this either when Brendan is in the other side of the room and not paying much attention anyway or I do it for both of them. I remember having a go at my poor mum who comes every century (little exaggeration – every 3 months ) as she was going completely over the top with Caelan about how cute and adorable he was and I sat there looking at Brendan and just wanted to hug and kiss him and tell him that he is also cute and adorable.
#4 Baby wearing. I have written a blog post about this already but wanted to mention here as well because it really helped me so much to get through the days with the 2. I really call myself lucky to have a wonderful birth with Caelan and a speedy recovery. I don’t think I would have been able to maintain my sanity without having Caelan on me 12 hours a day. Knowing my newborn can be with me, listen to my heart beat while I attend a toddler’s need all day was just the perfect set up to save so much tears from all 3 of us.
#5 Being more relaxed. I know it is turning into a cliche now but it is absolutely true . We are MUCH much more relaxed as parents now. From the minute Caelan was born till every single day since. All the changes / the crying / the poos / the sleepless nights / the lot. I feel we know what we are up against here which makes life so much easier when you throw a toddler in the mix.
#6 How am I going to love another human being? It is true that the minute Caelan was born I loved him with all my heart and soul. But still if I am honest, I felt a little guilty sometimes that I didn’t bond enough with Caelan right away. I loved my tiny newborn but did I love him like I loved Brendan? And the answer was “Not yet.” I had known Brendan for 2 amazing years and had played / laughed with him and cuddled him every day. He was my one and only baby. With Caelan, he was brand new and I needed some time for the bond to come. And it did came, I have no idea when but without a doubt both of them now the great joys of my life.
#7 Let go of the guilt. There is guilt. Comparison. I face it every day and I really try to overcome it because it is a battle which I can never win. I love Caelan just as much as I love my first born but I can not give him the same attention I gave Brendan. It is just impossible. I try to let go of that guilt as much as I can. What helps is thinking that I was a second child in my family and had a wonderful childhood and I feel I was loved by my parents growing up so I am doing my best here and hoping that is how Caelan is going to feel. I might not be able to pay as much attention to him as I paid to his brother but now Caelan has another 2 year old human who loves him already so much and it feels he fills the holes I leave behind.
I have to say I found the transition harder going from no kids to one kid, versus one to two kids. When Brendan arrived things just got upside down. Our life changed forever. We were thrown into the deep to learn how to parent so when Caelan entered our life, we just fit him into the mix.
Thank you for reading me and as always love to hear your thoughts and comments.
Have a wonderful day xxx